View source for Women and their friends

== Background and overview ==

Many programming communities have been running gender diversity
outreach events in the past few years. If you're organizing an event
where women are invited, and anyone else may also join if they are the
invited guest of a woman, you might run into situations where you have
to communicate something awkward to an attendee. This page exists so
you can just copy-and-paste rather than stress out.

Organizers of "women and their friends"-style outreach events can find
themselves in murky waters. We work to build communities that
contain, welcome, and respect a wider range of people than before. But
in doing so, we find ourselves in situations where tact seems advisable.
We mostly communicate with attendees (and prospective attendees) in
writing -- by email, and on meetup pages. It's easy to spend dozens of
minutes, or hours, fine-tuning an email to avoid misunderstanding.

So this is a collection of situations organizers have found themselves
in and some text that seems to have worked okay! It documents a
collection of standard practices among groups like the Boston Python
Workshop, the Chicago Python Workshop, and others that stay in touch
through the OpenHatch events community.

(Also: Major credit to Railsbridge for coining the term
"[http://workshops.railsbridge.org/ women and their friends].)

Most  of  this   text  is  so  short  as  to   not  need  a  copyright
statement. As a special exception to the regular OpenHatch wiki policy,
editors to this page affirm they release their text under the terms of
[http://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/ CC Zero].

If you want to contribute text you've used for a workshop you've run
when you've run into a bind, please just add a section.

== General writing tips ==

* When writing a possibly awkward message, ''minimize your attack surface''.
* One helpful tip is to begin as many sentences with "I" as possible. Describe what you see or know first-hand, and avoid assertions about the person's underlying motivations. Describe specific behaviors you saw, or indicate how you know about them, if you are writing about problematic behavior.
* Where possible, defend your actions by the rules your group has already agreed to. If you're "just following the rules," that leaves fewer opportunities for attack, and also makes your point of view very clear.
* Insist on a high standard of evidence. For example, ask for ''which specific person'' invited the person as a guest, rather than asking ''if'' they are the invited guest of someone. This may seem somewhat intrusive, but you do it to protect yourself and avoid any misunderstanding. Frankly, it means that the only way to weasel out of the "+1" requirement is for the person to make a direct lie which is easy to verify. This means that checking the truth of what they say is very easy.
* Indicate the goals of the workshop, and indicate how your question helps you be sure you are reaching that goal.
* Where possible, use deadlines liberally. For example, tell the person you will adjust their RSVP to "no" by (for example) Tuesday at 9 PM if you don't hear an answer. Keep in mind that you ''do'' have an event timeline you want to stick to, so timelines are very useful for you as an organizer.
* Be courteous, if you have the patience for it. Being nice to people doesn't cost you anything, and keep in mind you could be reacting to a misunderstanding. Be prepared for that possibility by indicating what you saw and what your goals and concerns are.

== Being welcoming to anyone who identifies as a woman (and welcoming trans women) ==

The Boston Python user group workshopped the following text which has
stayed a part of the event invitation since it first appeared:

<blockquote>
Audience: Women and their friends who have no or limited programming experience. This event is welcoming and respectful of trans women. Men are welcome as guests of women who are attending (please RSVP as well).
</blockquote>

You can see it in context on a [http://meetup.bostonpython.com/events/88039732/ recent Boston Python Workshop signup page].

== Write up a code of conduct and use it to empower volunteers ==

After one problematic attendee came to the Chicago Python Workshop, they created a code of conduct. They based theirs on:

* The [http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Event_Guidelines Sample Code of Conduct] on the Geek Feminism wiki,
* The [https://us.pycon.org/2012/codeofconduct/ PyCon Code of Conduct], and
* The short but effective [http://codex.freegeekchicago.org/wiki/FreeGeekInfo/Policies/CodeOfConduct FreeGeek Chicago Code of Conduct].

You might enjoy reading the [[Chicago Python Workshop/Code of Conduct|resulting code of conduct]]. I especially like the procedures they've written out for [[Chicago_Python_Workshop/Code_of_Conduct/Staff_Procedures_for_Handling_Incidents|staff handling incidents]] and [[Chicago_Python_Workshop/Code_of_Conduct/Attendee_Procedures_for_Reporting_Incidents|attendees reporting them]], inspired by PyCon's.

It might seem like a lot of work, and it is probably a 10-30 minute investment to write a sample document, and a day's conversation on your staff mailing list. It's worth it to think about these before-hand.


== Telling solo men they're not welcome to attend ==

=== On an event page ===

Two men asked, on the web page for the [http://meetup.bostonpython.com/events/16682815/ first Boston Python Workshop], if they were special enough to break the rules:

<blockquote>
No male in this event :( i want to go
</blockquote>

and

<blockquote>
Any males allowed? Like Francis, I would love to get an intro to Python.
</blockquote>

This is a disappointing situation for the organizer because the rules
were pretty clear up-front, and now the organizer has to somehow explain
to this person that they're completely missing the point while still
seeming like a nice person; your message will likely be broadcast to
everyone on the event.

Here's the text we used in Boston, visible on
[http://meetup.bostonpython.com/events/16682815/ the same event page]:

<blockquote>
The goal of the event is to bring more women into the Python Meetup group. Men are welcome to come if a woman brings them.

But also, the event has been full for a bit! If the event goes well, we hope to run it again -- there sure seems to be demand.

The Boston Python Meetup group runs a bunch of intro events; the last one was a few months ago. So join the mailing list and stay tuned. We'll also be publishing the material we're teaching with.
</blockquote>

Speaking personally (as Asheesh), one of my ''favorite'' things about
running these events in conjunction with an existing, gender-neutral
user group is that one can lean on the existing user group's gender
neutral events when prospective attendees ask questions like this.

General things to mention when writing notes like this:

* Be ''crystal clear'' about your goal for the event.

=== When they are vague about their +1 ===

Sometimes men  seem reluctant to indicate which  main attendee invited
them. Recently,  one Chicago Python Workshop  prospective attendee was
asked who  he was  coming with; instead  of answering,  he generically
assured the organizers he was a +1.

In  my personal  opinion (as  Asheesh), you  should absolutely  not be
lenient   with   this   rule   for   attendees   you   do   not   know
personally. What's at stake is  your ability to create a reliably safe
environment.  Yes, it's  true  that women  could  themselves make  the
environment unsafe, but  that's a risk we already  accept by accepting
all women, and it's also not a problem I've seen in conversations with
many workshop organizers.

Therefore, you can use the following emails (or something like them)
to contact attendees who may not have an actual +1.

* [[/Probably a solo dude|Probably a solo dude]] -- used when someone was vague in answering if they have a +1, but you want to give them the benefit of the doubt

* [[/Basically definitely a solo dude|Basically definitely a solo dude]] -- used when someone is registered and you think it is very likely they are a man without a +1

Sending emails like this can be very awkward. Therefore, it's helpful
to structure your signup process to minimize the chance of this. For
example, you can ask that men RSVP as the +1 of the woman who invited
them, rather than individually, so you can skip checking up on
them. Or you can ask them to list the person who invited them in the
comments of their RSVP.

== Kicking someone out of the group ==

A midwestern city's Python Workshop experienced a man coming to the workshop with the dubious situation of his daughter (who is younger than the age of
majority) being the main attendee, with him as the invited guest.
Eventually he was awkward and hugged and otherwise touched attendees
as if they had a reason to be hugging him, which some found weird, and
others found uncomfortable. The organizers discussed the issue on their private staff mailing list, concluded that his actions were problematic for a host of reasons, and concluded they wanted him to no longer attend their events.

Here is the email the organizers sent to him:

* [[/Asking someone to leave the group|Asking someone to leave]]

That story turned out very well, by the way. The person immediately
accepted his mistake, apologized profusely, seemed to feel quite
bad, and has not returned to the group.

Different circumstances might apply for a person who breaks the community
rules at your events, so the specific text might not apply. Keep thes things
in mind when writing it, and feel ''especially'' free to reach out to Asheesh
or other people who can help you write letters like this.

* Letters like this are ''way'' easier to write by someone who is not emotionally involved. So if you have been personally offended by the person who you need to ask to leave the group, try to get someone else to write it.

* You should '''be firm''' and focus on the fact that you don't want this person to come back, if that's accurate.

* It is best to have a written code of conduct before incidents like this happen, but it is okay to kick someone out of your group without a code of conduct.

* If you don't personally want the person to ever email you again, then it is '''okay to say that'''. If you can find a person for them to keep in touch with who is not emotionally involved in the situation (such as someone not even living in the same area of the world as you), that's cool. If not, don't worry about it.

* You are a volunteer focusing on outreach efforts, and this is a distraction and the sooner you can finish the task of asking the person to not be part of the group, the sooner you can get back to the real work you wanted to do.

* Describe things you observed, and how they made you feel.

* Link to your policy, if it exists, or if not, indicate that you plan to make one.

* Again, feel ''particularly encouraged'' to ask for help. Reach out! Asheesh and others are here to help you by helping draft this so you can get back to the work you'd probably rather be doing.

== Other resources ==

* [http://openhatch.org/people/paulproteus/ Asheesh Laroia] is always very, very happy to help you write emails to attendees in awkward situations.
* There may be other relevant, helpful pages on the [http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Geek_Feminism_Wiki Geek Feminism wiki].