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Organizers of "women and their friends"-style outreach events can find
 
Organizers of "women and their friends"-style outreach events can find
themselves in murky waters. We work to build communities that
+
themselves in murky waters. We work to build a communities that
 
contain, welcome, and respect a wider range of people than before. But
 
contain, welcome, and respect a wider range of people than before. But
 
in doing so, we find ourselves in situations where tact seems advisable.
 
in doing so, we find ourselves in situations where tact seems advisable.
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If you want to contribute text you've used for a workshop you've run
 
If you want to contribute text you've used for a workshop you've run
 
when you've run into a bind, please just add a section.
 
when you've run into a bind, please just add a section.
 
== General writing tips ==
 
 
* When writing a possibly awkward message, ''minimize your attack surface''.
 
* One helpful tip is to begin as many sentences with "I" as possible. Describe what you see or know first-hand, and avoid assertions about the person's underlying motivations. Describe specific behaviors you saw, or indicate how you know about them, if you are writing about problematic behavior.
 
* Where possible, defend your actions by the rules your group has already agreed to. If you're "just following the rules," that leaves fewer opportunities for attack, and also makes your point of view very clear.
 
* Insist on a high standard of evidence. For example, ask for ''which specific person'' invited the person as a guest, rather than asking ''if'' they are the invited guest of someone. This may seem somewhat intrusive, but you do it to protect yourself and avoid any misunderstanding. Frankly, it means that the only way to weasel out of the "+1" requirement is for the person to make a direct lie which is easy to verify. This means that checking the truth of what they say is very easy.
 
* Indicate the goals of the workshop, and indicate how your question helps you be sure you are reaching that goal.
 
* Where possible, use deadlines liberally. For example, tell the person you will adjust their RSVP to "no" by (for example) Tuesday at 9 PM if you don't hear an answer. Keep in mind that you ''do'' have an event timeline you want to stick to, so timelines are very useful for you as an organizer.
 
* Be courteous, if you have the patience for it. Being nice to people doesn't cost you anything, and keep in mind you could be reacting to a misunderstanding. Be prepared for that possibility by indicating what you saw and what your goals and concerns are.
 
  
 
== Being welcoming to anyone who identifies as a woman (and welcoming trans women) ==
 
== Being welcoming to anyone who identifies as a woman (and welcoming trans women) ==
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It might seem like a lot of work, and it is probably a 10-30 minute investment to write a sample document, and a day's conversation on your staff mailing list. It's worth it to think about these before-hand.
 
It might seem like a lot of work, and it is probably a 10-30 minute investment to write a sample document, and a day's conversation on your staff mailing list. It's worth it to think about these before-hand.
  
 +
== Kicking someone out of the group ==
 +
 +
A midwestern city's Python Workshop experienced a man coming to the workshop with the dubious situation of his daughter (who is younger than the age of
 +
majority) being the main attendee, with him as the invited guest.
 +
Eventually he was awkward and hugged and otherwise touched attendees
 +
as if they had a reason to be hugging him, which some found weird, and
 +
others found uncomfortable. The organizers discussed the issue on their private staff mailing list, concluded that his actions were problematic for a host of reasons, and concluded they wanted him to no longer attend their events.
 +
 +
Here is the email the organizers sent to him:
 +
 +
* [[/Asking someone to leave the group|Asking someone to leave]]
 +
 +
That story turned out very well, by the way. The person immediately
 +
accepted his mistake, apologized profusely, seemed to feel quite
 +
bad, and has not returned to the group.
 +
 +
Different circumstances might apply for a person who breaks the community
 +
rules at your events, so the specific text might not apply. Keep thes things
 +
in mind when writing it, and feel ''especially'' free to reach out to Asheesh
 +
or other people who can help you write letters like this.
 +
 +
* Letters like this are ''way'' easier to write by someone who is not emotionally involved. So if you have been personally offended by the person who you need to ask to leave the group, try to get someone else to write it.
 +
 +
* You should '''be firm''' and focus on the fact that you don't want this person to come back, if that's accurate.
 +
 +
* It is best to have a written code of conduct before incidents like this happen, but it is okay to kick someone out of your group without a code of conduct.
 +
 +
* If you don't personally want the person to ever email you again, then it is '''okay to say that'''. If you can find a person for them to keep in touch with who is not emotionally involved in the situation (such as someone not even living in the same area of the world as you), that's cool. If not, don't worry about it.
 +
 +
* You are a volunteer focusing on outreach efforts, and this is a distraction and the sooner you can finish the task of asking the person to not be part of the group, the sooner you can get back to the real work you wanted to do.
 +
 +
* Describe things you observed, and how they made you feel.
 +
 +
* Link to your policy, if it exists, or if not, indicate that you plan to make one.
 +
 +
* Again, feel ''particularly encouraged'' to ask for help. Reach out! Asheesh and others are here to help you by helping draft this so you can get back to the work you'd probably rather be doing.
  
 
== Telling solo men they're not welcome to attend ==
 
== Telling solo men they're not welcome to attend ==
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to contact attendees who may not have an actual +1.
 
to contact attendees who may not have an actual +1.
  
* [[/Probably a solo dude|Probably a solo dude]] -- used when someone was vague in answering if they have a +1, but you want to give them the benefit of the doubt
+
* [[/Probably a solo dude]] -- used when someone was vague in answering if they have a +1, but you want to give them the benefit of the doubt
  
* [[/Basically definitely a solo dude|Basically definitely a solo dude]] -- used when someone is registered and you think it is very likely they are a man without a +1
+
* [[/Basically definitely a solo dude]] -- used when someone is registered and you think it is very likely they are a man without a +1
  
 
Sending emails like this can be very awkward. Therefore, it's helpful
 
Sending emails like this can be very awkward. Therefore, it's helpful
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them. Or you can ask them to list the person who invited them in the
 
them. Or you can ask them to list the person who invited them in the
 
comments of their RSVP.
 
comments of their RSVP.
 
== Kicking someone out of the group ==
 
 
A midwestern city's Python Workshop experienced a man coming to the workshop with the dubious situation of his daughter (who is younger than the age of
 
majority) being the main attendee, with him as the invited guest.
 
Eventually he was awkward and hugged and otherwise touched attendees
 
as if they had a reason to be hugging him, which some found weird, and
 
others found uncomfortable. The organizers discussed the issue on their private staff mailing list, concluded that his actions were problematic for a host of reasons, and concluded they wanted him to no longer attend their events.
 
 
Here is the email the organizers sent to him:
 
 
* [[/Asking someone to leave the group|Asking someone to leave]]
 
 
That story turned out very well, by the way. The person immediately
 
accepted his mistake, apologized profusely, seemed to feel quite
 
bad, and has not returned to the group.
 
 
Different circumstances might apply for a person who breaks the community
 
rules at your events, so the specific text might not apply. Keep thes things
 
in mind when writing it, and feel ''especially'' free to reach out to Asheesh
 
or other people who can help you write letters like this.
 
 
* Letters like this are ''way'' easier to write by someone who is not emotionally involved. So if you have been personally offended by the person who you need to ask to leave the group, try to get someone else to write it.
 
 
* You should '''be firm''' and focus on the fact that you don't want this person to come back, if that's accurate.
 
 
* It is best to have a written code of conduct before incidents like this happen, but it is okay to kick someone out of your group without a code of conduct.
 
 
* If you don't personally want the person to ever email you again, then it is '''okay to say that'''. If you can find a person for them to keep in touch with who is not emotionally involved in the situation (such as someone not even living in the same area of the world as you), that's cool. If not, don't worry about it.
 
 
* You are a volunteer focusing on outreach efforts, and this is a distraction and the sooner you can finish the task of asking the person to not be part of the group, the sooner you can get back to the real work you wanted to do.
 
 
* Describe things you observed, and how they made you feel.
 
 
* Link to your policy, if it exists, or if not, indicate that you plan to make one.
 
 
* Again, feel ''particularly encouraged'' to ask for help. Reach out! Asheesh and others are here to help you by helping draft this so you can get back to the work you'd probably rather be doing.
 
  
 
== Other resources ==
 
== Other resources ==

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